Saying No Doesn't Make You Popular
... but it earns you respect
It is, dare I say, relatively well-known that my first boss in the hotel industry didn’t want to hire me.
“You’re too old, too educated, and have too many opinions!”
That’s what he told me during my job interview. Two weeks later, he called to tell me that although he still didn’t want to hire me, the only other applicant for the job had withdrawn.
Saying no after three weeks on the job
I was just starting to get the hang of sitting in the office, drinking coffee, and typing daily activity reports with both pointer fingers. It was a quiet Sunday afternoon when the boss walked in.
“My son brought his kids over for us to feed and entertain. Go to the store room and get me a roll of paper and some crayons.”
“Sure”, I said. “Here’s a requisition.” I had also mastered the task of making sure nothing left the store room without a requisition.
“I don’t need this.”, he said. “Just do what you’re told.”
“I was told to learn the hotel’s policies and procedures. I was also told to enforce the rules.”
He didn’t say much, but the steam coming out of his ears, along with the stare of death he was giving me, made me a little nervous.
“I was just about to start my patrol from the top floor down.”, I said. “I’m going to do that, but I’m not going to give you anything from the store room without a requisition.”
In 1987, the store room was alarmed, but there was no audit trail on the system. There was no way of knowing if he stole a roll of paper and some crayons that day.
My boss was upset because I didn’t follow his orders. On the other hand, he also knew that he could trust me to do the job I had been hired to do with integrity.
A few years later, he moved to a new hotel that paid much higher salaries. I was one of the few security officers he selected to join him at the new property.
I said no again. Not to spite my boss or because I don’t like money. I just felt the benefits of working for a company owned by an airline outweighed the extra cash.
Saying No to the President’s Right-hand Man
Some bosses rule by fear. Some expect your loyalty to them to exceed your loyalty to the company. Some want you to play internal us against them games where the competition is other departments instead of your real competitors.
Some bosses are hard to say no to because not playing their games can delay or derail your career plan.
Spending thirty-one years as you, very slowly, rise from a basement-level job (hotel security offices are always in the basement), to providing the board with updates as the company grows from a small regional player to a global powerhouse, will introduce you to every type of leader there is.
In the late 90s, we were due to open a hotel in Amman, Jordan. It was to be entirely renovated before rebranding. The challenge was for the hotel to be fully updated before the International Air Transport Association (IATA) held its annual general meeting in November 1997.
A few months before the conference was scheduled, my boss, whose office was in Brussels, called me. My office was in Oslo.
“Go to the airport.”, he said. “There’s a ticket waiting for you there. You need to fly to Amman and let me know if the hotel is ready to be rebranded. Oh, you need a visa, so stop at the Jordanian consulate on your way to the airport and get one.”
Faced with a situation like this, there was only one answer I could give him.
“I’m on my way!”
I’d never been to Jordan, so why would I say no?
When I arrived at the hotel in Amman, I was shocked, disappointed, dismayed, confused, and a whole host of other things.
The hotel was a literal construction site. There was no way I could tell my boss it was ready to be re-branded.
“Why did you send me here so urgently?”, I asked when I called him. “Even from where you’re sitting, you should be able to see how unfinished this hotel is!”
He told me not to worry. “Go for a walk and enjoy Amman,” he said, “But be back by four so you can have a coffee with Mr. K. and tell him what you told me.”
Mr. K. was the President and CEO’s right-hand man. He was a legend. I’d never met him, but the stories colleagues whispered in the corporate corridors told me he was a strict, Swiss, perfectionist. Nobody dared say no to Mr. K.
Amman is a lovely city, and I enjoyed my walk in the sunshine as I climbed the hill up from the hotel, wandered around not knowing much about where I was, before dutifully returning to the hotel site.
The hotel tower rose into view as I cleared the last hilltop before descending toward the property. A crane was lifting a ten-storey-tall, branded sign into place along the facade.
I called my boss again.
“Don’t worry about it. Just meet with Mr. K.”
My heart sank. To my boss, I was nothing more than a scapegoat. I would have to say yes to Mr. K. and accept all blame if anything went wrong.
Mr. K. was one of those leaders surrounded by an invisible, powerful aura. He was not of large stature, but you knew he was in control of his surroundings as soon as you laid eyes on him.
We exchanged pleasantries and then the attack started.
“Who said you could decide that this hotel is not ready to be branded? What makes you so smart? Do you really think your opinion is more important than everyone else’s, including mine? Including Mr. R’s.?”
Mr. R. was President and CEO. Over the years, we became well-acquainted, and although he and Mr. K. always used their first names, I never felt comfortable addressing either of them informally.
Mr. K’s attack continued. His voice grew louder, his demeanour darker, and his expression angrier. I tried to stand my ground as best I could.
Then it happened.
He burst out in a wild, high-pitched laughter that rocked him back into his chair.
“You have no idea how many ‘Yes-men‘ this company has. I just had to make sure that you aren’t another one of them. You look sweaty. Go relax and have a shower, and then meet us in the lobby when we go for dinner at 7.”
It’s easy to be a people pleaser who says yes even when you know the correct response is no.
It’s easy to do whatever the boss says to gain favour and quickly climb the corporate ladder.
At the end of the day, I choose to follow the guidance my friend Brooke once gave me. He told me he had learned it from an old bootlegger who picked him up when he was hitchhiking across North America in the ‘60s.
“You don’t need permission to do the right thing, and nobody can give you permission to do the wrong thing.”
Oh yeah, the next morning, a huge Jordanian flag was draped down the facade. It hid the sign perfectly until the hotel was ready.
Stay safe, Always Care
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Hi! I’m Paul.
I was born, raised, and currently live in Canada. After high school, I embarked on a gap year in Europe. It lasted four decades. I went to university in Norway and started my hotel career in the basement of a five-star hotel in Oslo. As mentioned in this story, the manager who hired me told me I was too old, too educated, and had too many opinions to be a security guard. He also told me that the only other person who applied for the job didn’t want it.
Thirty years later, I left that same company. It had grown from a small regional hotel chain with twenty-something hotels in Scandinavia to become a large, multi-brand hotel group with over a thousand hotels in almost one hundred countries.
Along the way, I moved from Norway to Denmark to Belgium. Before I left, the company awarded me their highest individual honour for leadership, and security professional peers selected me as the world’s most influential corporate security executive.
I’m a hospitality professional. I’m a security professional. If you ask, I will tell you that security was my job, and hospitality was my business.
Today, I’m an educator and a consultant passionate about hotels, hospitality, and keeping people safe during their travels.
In addition to the Always Care Community, I also write for Risk Resiliency’s Keep Travel Safe. If safe, secure hospitality, hotels, and travel are important to you, please subscribe to KTS!
These stories are written with the clarity of hindsight, the accuracy of a faded memory, and countless creative liberties. The Always Care Community is a newsletter about how life has made me an emigrant, an immigrant, and gifted me experiences I never dreamed possible.
Thanks for reading. Your support is my motivation, and I’m genuinely grateful that you’re here. Please share, subscribe, and connect with me.
I bet you needed that shower after that fake-out. Maybe a change of underwear too!